Hi,

In my honest confession I feel as if I had developed bipolar disease myself. Let me try to explain why inamnsaying so weird thing.

I was a topper in school, was always glad about my quality of mind. Atbthe same time I was highly silent kid, so much so that I remained mum even during with close friends as no thoughts can to my mind. It was partly due to the surroundings where we were living and that my father was not at all social so we really never were taught what is mixing with the society.

Social exclusion resulted in limited numbers of friends and hence limited number of hobbies, outdoor activities and quality time.

I managed to get into top medical schools without much effort but as soon as I got into med school I started lagging. Honestly I was in euphoria about going to be a doctor and did't study that hard. Depression struck.

Rather than getting up, study what I needed to I kept the assignments and studies on top of my mind as a baggage, that baggage kept on inflating as I kept studying slower and slower.

I am under crippling depression because that habit of postponing tasks and Excusitis has penetrated many aspects of my life. It went to an extreme that I even endured kidney stone alone at home and didn't see a doctor.

I am 40, have been diagnosed by US Doctors as Depresssion - NOS and by Indian doctors as BP with Schizoaffectibe disorder and borderline personality.

I know what the reality is.

It was my own lack of effort in initial phases that created all this..personally I still believe that my brain is as healthy as any regular intelligent person but my habits ( late sleep, irregular diet timings, social seclusion, )

My advice to all those who think they are bipolar will be this.....

Please think of having this disease as a brain pathology only if you think you were honest , conscientious and you made full efforts in pursuing what you wanted to do.

Its very tough to acknowledge that we developed this disease because of our own Excusitis, lack of will.power but at least in my case I wired my brain as a depressed brain myself.

I created jail in my mind since I was teen. None stopped me from going to a new movie, a restaurant, or shop clothes, or meet friends. I did because I didn't made an effort to get out of depression.

Bipolar disorder as a brain disease may not be even existing in many persons who think they have that disease. Life is beautiful, try going for a trekking in a group in a different culture settings. If your mood changes then can not we say that there is no brain disease.?

Comments welcome