I wanted to add more. Your anger at him for what he is doing is entirely justified. That is your honest and true response to how you are being treated and it is absolutely valid. What he is doing is unprofessional, harmful and wrong.
But when we are so deeply attached to someone who sometimes harms us we can hate ourselves for that anger because it drives us away from our only source of support, the person we are angry at. Your anger towards him is real and justified but then you turn it inwards because to be angry at him means you are left with no support. So you have to deny your own truth, your own feelings, in order to be able to receive the support you do get when you get it. Everything you do becomes being all about moderating him and deferring to him so you can be worthy of whatever he can give you, when he deigns to give it.
This is exactly the cycle of an abusive relationship. Your anger at the way you are being treated IS justified. You are being hurt. Your emotions are screaming at you "This is not right!" Because it isn't.