Dear T,

Thank you for The Lion The Witch Wardrobe thought, and for being happy with me and letting us talk about some current topics instead of grappling with the past to the point of tears. It was nice to push open the old doors to the busy street, and not be self conscious and red-eyed.

Therapy can be so hard, I lose track of why it's worth it now and then. There is so much suffering, and you are so present in session and so remote and vanished once it's over, that I start associating you with the anguish itself, rather than its overcoming.

It is needed and nice to have a session like we used too, with affection and respect and a more normal range of feelings.

You want therapy to be such a mystery, and for no one to look behind Oz's curtain, or research or read textbooks or go on educated forums as if a magic trick were being performed that would no longer dazzle the audience if understood in its technical workings. Why do you feel this way?

Best, Esme - with love and a little less squalor