New rule in the thread: No more standing up for him. You don't know what he's thinking, and I'm pretty sure whatever you think he's thinking when he acts rudely and abusively towards you is not what he is thinking.

You can never control how a person thinks or acts. You can only control how you act or re-act. You can only control how you think. How you feel. Do you like feeling this way? Because I'm telling you right now, it will only get worse. He controls you through fear of abandonment and your innate complacency to let things just be the way they are, and yes, that complacency is real and it can sabotage you. You must fight against it.

"He keeps looking for mature explanations of my past in order to have something to believe that I really did change." Really? He said these exact words, "Baby, I'm looking for mature explanations of your past in order to have something to believe in that you really did change!"

No, I didn't think so. And if he did, it's still controlling. It's not dramatizing, it's controlling through manipulation, rationalization and justification. The man is a walking thought-distortion. Clearly, you see this yourself. You clearly feel that he is overreacting. Don't ignore that inner voice.

Germany isn't some place like Saudi Arabia where a woman has zero rights. You owe no one anything. Go find another guy who doesn't care about the number, only that you somehow made it through alive and were there at that moment when he came along. Someone who will make you realize what a d-bag this other guy is and will be supportive and non-judgemental. If you feel you have psychological work that needs to be done around your past, then the last thing you need is someone berating you and calling you a slut and making you feel as though you have no value.

When someone asks about your past, you say, "Yeah, I had some fun when I was younger, but I made some mistakes, learned some lessons, and they made me the better person I am today." Period. Anyone interested in you should only be interested in knowing who you are now, not who you were then.