I ****ing despise who I am and my stupid need for reassurance. I dont have a ****ing clue on how to be a human being. I am constantly being onslaughted about doubts about myself manifesting in the need for reassurance. I hate who I am yey I keep letting down my hypervigilance. My emotions are nothing less than agents , weapons of mass destruction. This is ****ing hopeless. I have never been a viable human. This is just to much, way, way too much. Oh, let me put on the mask and go to work because I dont matter, at least not to myself. I feel like crying hysterically and then giving up. I CANT do this. But what else is there?