(((((StarPonysMama)))))

I've been sitting here for a half hour trying to reply to your thread. Upon his death 3 years ago, my father had been a recovering alcoholic for 25 years. And I must say that battling that disease, and keeping it at bay for so many years was one of the things that I admired most about him. I loved him very much.

That being said, prior to his inpatient treatment he made our lives hell. He was also an abusive drunk, although that came as a shock to all but the immediate family. He was the fun guy at the bar.

When I see a relationship such as yours played out in my family (which it has too many times to count) my advice to my relatives is LEAVE NOW and don't look back.

My mother on the other hand has a different view because in her mind it all worked out in the end.

I think only time will tell if he's changed or not. I highly doubt it myself. Several things influence that opinion. First of all, has he joined AA? They tell it like it is there, and don't put up with rationalizing etc. And if he can face the music there, then MAYBE he's husband material, in a year or so.

Maybe it's something that you can do together. I really hope that things work out for you either way. It is my belief that he, perhaps both of you need imput from other people. Books can be very helpful, but as I'm sure you're aware, alcoholics are very good at rationalizations.

Good luck!