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Originally Posted by starrysky
Hi Tevelygo. That is interesting about alexithymia. Mainly, because I'd never heard of it before! I myself have not always been connected to my own thoughts and feelings in the past and therefore didn't identify them correctly.
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My biggest problem is to even get feelings coming up, identification also will literally take months for each new one though. Sometimes years.
The anger though, that is identifiable for sure lol...
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I think that's what a counselor is for though. To help, really, in any way. Therapists have many different personalities, and who knows, maybe you'll find one you will click with more. You said you didn't see how therapy was helping...but a good counselor will help you through your anger with this issue and give you tools to help yourself. I say consider finding another counselor. Maybe even just for short term.
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Just to be sure to be clear, I do have another counselor atm, that's very fresh like I said (in parentheses so maybe it was harder to notice this note).
The previous one was a good counselor and I did like talking with her, we clicked well. I just don't think my alexithymia can be helped unless the counselor is specifically trained for that but does that kind of training even exist?
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When you say "since then, every time I run into people who abuse my good intentions, this anger increases" do you mean when you run into the people who have hurt you? Or just anybody who happens to take advantage of you?
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Mainly people who get emotional and/or biased at me when I did not mean any harm and they will not even hear me out about that. Even if I already admit my own fault in the issue, if any, and want to solve it.
People who are irresponsible. People whose word can't be taken seriously.
Etc.
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Regardless, I'm sorry you were hurt and experiencing the after effects of it. I know what it is like to feel anger and other negative emotions around an unresolved issue. I don't really have an answer per se, as to how you can overcome it. I can tell you what I know though and what has helped me, a person who has...not exactly resolved all their issues, but who's heart still beats and who survived people being hurtful and coming out with the "shorter stick," in arguments of oneupmanship.
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Arguments would be fine totally, that would help with the anger for smaller issues, but this is a much bigger issue here, need a real solution instead of just arguing. (Btw, I would prefer it to be a justified argument anyway. One that does lead somewhere in the end. Some constructive direction eventually.) And I wanted to be all correct and fair and reasonable for too long. And I find that just doesn't work because then I get this anger that can't go anywhere else.
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1.) Write about it. Write about it as if you were going to publish it into a personal essay in a book. Tell your story.
2.) While you are writing your story, ask yourself how you want your story to continue or end. How do you WANT to live your life? Then find ways to do that.
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Thanks - I do know how I want to live my life, the question is, is it feasible.
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3.) I do not recommend trying to hurt the other people who have been hurtful to you. There are many reasons for this but the reasons I can think of is: a.) it's immature and hypocritical (i.e. "you hurt me, so I hurt you"), b.) it could blow up in your face and you could end up more hurt.
Edit: It does kind of sound like you already did this, by burning bridges. I don't know though. And so I'm editing my comment here. I hope you do not feel judged by my #3. Its not meant to be judgmental. Just advice from what I personally go by.
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Thanks, no worries really.
By burning bridges, I meant that I told them that I will never contact them again and that I do not want them to contact me either.
I don't really have the skills nor the intention or any kind of ability to want to emotionally manipulate to hurt someone. I can tell someone off though if they actually did something wrong, so they see what they did wrong. I did tell off those two people but the things they did were so bad that they got off very lightly with that.
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4.) Write, again. All your negative emotions about it and them, and how they hurt you and behaved and how pissed you are about it. Maybe even write them a letter. Don't send it. Burn it. It's a way of letting go, I have been told, though I've never actually tried this one.
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Thanks, I just don't think I know how to let go this way. If I think or talk of these things more, I just get more angry.
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5.) Google is your friend. Google: "How to let go of anger." I think a lot of things come up. 
6.) Distractions help. What are some things you enjoy? Do them.
7.) I have found that exercise really helps put me in a better mood. Even just walking, which is what I do a lot of the time. It burns off my negative emotions. It puts me in a better mood.
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I train 6 times a week, it doesn't really burn off this anger. Distractions don't help resolve it.
But yeah, I will def google more.
Thanks again! I hope you don't mind that I added my comments for your advice list. It was a nice long list.
I'm thinking, my issue is really that no matter how much I try to look at it positively or whatever, that just makes it worse. It makes the anger go more unconscious and more split from rationality and consciousness and makes it more dangerous/less controllable when it does surface again. Or it can turn inwards and then I get suicidal.
Like today... I just got someone else today to **** around. They promised something important and then suddenly quit on their word. A family member at that, too. End result? I first tried to reason really calmly, I sent them an email. Then a bit later, I just suddenly had this crazy upset thing where I ran out to the street from my apartment, yelling constantly. Then it turned into an image of seeing myself about to jump in front of a car and I viscerally felt the ability to actually commit the action. I've never before felt it this viscerally! ...I mean, I could feel the determination directly. Not just simply being impulsively upset in the moment but determination for action.
So, I don't think that route works for me. I don't know what does.