Here is a link to a utube video that I watched yesterday. I had to go back and retrace my steps to figure out how I wound up here.



Here is an article from The Guardian that repeats the video in writing.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/...chanisms-trump

I made some notes as I listened on her 4 strategies to deal with gaslighters.

How to Deal with Gaslighting, by Ariel Leve.

4 Stratagies

1. Remain Defiant (Personally I would prefer the word determined, since I was always punished because of my defiance.)

Refuse to change your truth to their story

Trust your version of reality

I know what I know. It cannot be erased.

2. Recognize there will never be accountability

They will never be able to take accountability for their actions.

They will never get it.

Acknowledgment was never in the cards.

You cannot apply logic or reason because they cannot respond to it.

With this recognition you are no longer powerless.

3. Letting go of the wish for it to be different

The wish for it to be different is very powerful.

It allows you to prevent the belief that logic and reason will prevail.

The person gaslighting you makes it feel like the ground beneath you is always shifting beneath your feet and you have no center of gravity.

4. Develop a healthy detachment

Back and forth and push and pull of affection was/is emotional whiplash.

You’re wonderful - You’re horrible

I love you - I hate you

You protected yourself by believing nothing meant anything.

If you can’t invest in anything the other person says, what happens?

There is a price.

Trusting is very difficult - always needing verification

Vigilant about clarity.

Certainty - certainty was needed

Detachment from the gaslighter does not mean total detachment.

It means distinguishing between the world of the gaslighter and the real world.

Let them have their alternative facts – I will stick with reality.

I liked her points of strategy.

As I was looking over them, it dawned on me that I really don’t have certainty of any truth that I absolutely know, because I struggle with dissociation.

Dissociation has only been known to me for the past 5 years of my life. To try and sort that out and also deal with trying to find out the truth and piece it together has been really hard.

How would I really know the truth, when what I get are fragments that I struggle to make sense of?

The only sure thing I have is the emotional responses that I have to the fragments. I do know that is real and cannot be pushed aside or silenced.

My analogy of trying to piece them together is like a blind person trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle.

When you add the gaslighting from family members, people who you are supposed to be able to trust, it compounds the loneliness, vulnerability and the feeling of being a victim all over again.

Also, because that is what I experienced growing up, I was pulled into relationships with people who did the same thing. I believe that they can spot victims quite easily.

The detachment part is a hard boundary to work on. I want to go there, to those people, and find verification for reality, but I have to realize that it's not going to happen. That is almost a crushing feeling to me and calls the loneliness forward.

Thank you for hearing me and your replies.