Maybe it is not anyone person's fault that you don't remember your childhood. I was a hyperactive child that can think of some times I got into trouble but I think it was helpful for me that my dad would chuckle about it/still make me feel loved. Lots of parents (don't want to characterize your parents--don't know them) do the best we can but still did some things badly!! I hope you can figure out how to pick up the pieces and move on.....