I'm really sorry to see your suffering emptynightmare.

I also remember very little of my childhood because it was too painful, and I'm guessing a lot of dissociation took place so that I wasn't really there and the memories are not available. This however, does not make us any less real, in fact I would argue the opposite is the case, because under all this shame and guilt is the real you waiting to be discovered!

Obviously I have no idea about what you did, but your feeling/thought of 'I am bad' is very common. This is usually a consequence of what has happened to you rather than anything you actually did. A child will often internalise these things into 'it's all my fault....I did something wrong....I must BE wrong!' This can lead to a tremendous load of shame and guilt to carry through life.

If you're angry at your parents, it's probably because things happened to you even if you do not know what. You don't make these feelings up - they are there for a reason.