Okay, well it sounds a little bit like he is being unreasonable. He wants to come stay with you, you are not okay with that, so you offered to help him pay for a place...he honestly should be thanking you, not *****ing at you about offering advice. No matter how much anxiety you gave him from his childhood. (And I speak as a child of physical and emotional abuse who deals with the same situation with my parents.) In fact, it's odd to me that he verbally blames you so much. It sounds a lot like manipulation to me. I mean, I do blame my parents for how their actions affected me, but not to their face, it does not good but to make them feel shame or guilt. He's 24, he's an adult, he's responsible for his own triggers now.

It sounds like a terrible idea for him to stay with you. It sounds like you have trouble dealing with his issues and how the affect your home, and it also sounds like he is very triggered by being around you. Why in the earth would he want to put you both through that? I mean, if my mom offered to pay for my apartment when I was 24, I would have said, thanks, mom, and moved on. Not complained about it. I digress.

Stand your ground. THis relationship is clearly very complex. I don't pretend to know an answer, but he does sound somewhat manipulative to me.

Seesaw