I'm sorry you've tried for so long with such few results.

However, just because therapy isn't the answer doesn't mean there is no answer!

I've been in therapy for 6,5 years; 5 of them included trauma therapy. Sometimes sporadically, sometimes weekly, and a lot (9 I think) of weeks where I was inpatient and had individual trauma therapy 3 hours a day. Barely any improvement. I've talked and talked and ..? I just got better at voicing the bad things, they didn't start to bother me any less. I didn't feel safer in everyday life.

I started self defense lessons in January; I've had 7 lessons now. It's a private lesson, with a great woman who has among other things worked in the justice system. She teaches me how to stay safe, by teaching me how to act when someone is being threatening and how to do so in an effective, de-escalating way.
She's very practical: I wear normal clothes and we also practice with my school bag on my back sometimes, because it changes your balance. I didn't want to learn how to beat an attacking judoka with judo techniques in judo clothes on a judo mat, and she understood that immediately.
7 lessons. It's helping me feel safer already. If a teacher raises his voice to the class now, I think "If he gets too angry and comes close, I'll do x" instead of flinching, tensing and simultaneously hoping not to be, and preparing to be, hurt.

Self defense might or might not be your thing. Just an example to show that maybe there are other ways to reach your goal. Is there any 'dream' you have: a skill to learn, trip to take, volunteer work to do? I wanted to learn self defense for a long time, but only started this year. I wish I had started earlier.