Quote:
Originally Posted by kecanoe
Do you know why the boundaries are more strict with you? I have heard that some Ts think that certain diagnoses merit different boundaries. I am not sure I agree with that, but there do seem to be some that believe that.
Was there a problem in the past?
Have you ever talked about it-not necessarily in a confrontational way. I think that would be difficult. But has the subject ever come up or could you just ask about boundaries and what purpose your T thinks they serve?
I understand not wanting to leave. I can't imagine leaving T1. But it sounds like staying is painful also. With T1, I am the first appointment of the day-that keeps me from freaking out when the client before me runs over. And I am the last appointment of the day with T3: that way we can get to a reasonable stopping point. She always runs late, sometimes super late. But being last means that we just go even later.
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My T doesn't like diagnoses. He'll do it if necessary for insurance purposes, but since I'm self-pay, he's never discussed a diagnosis with me and I never asked.
I have experienced trauma - CSA. And I have difficulties feeling safe around men in general.
He wasn't always like this. This is my first experience in therapy. In the beginning, he always seemed to be so eager and happy to see me. I could see it in his face. It felt so good. I felt so understood. Once, as I was telling him about a painful experience, he even cried. That touched me in a way I can't explain.
I don't know if maybe I delved into the trauma too quickly, but after about 6 months I was completely overwhelmed. So I went into session one day, told him that I needed to stop therapy and that I would call him when I was ready to start again.
I re-group, call him a few months later and come back to find him distant and somewhat cold. When I took the risk to tell him I had missed him, which made me feel so incredibly vulnerable, he looked away and all he replied with was "That's interesting." I was so hurt. I never said it again.
I see him Friday night. I have to discuss this with him, I know. Hopefully, I won't chicken out.
Thank you all for letting me talk this out.