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Originally Posted by Rayne_
I was agreeing with some of what you both said...and if I recall correctly, aren't both of you with psychoanalytic therapists, where the T gives you a good amount of space? I've had that experience of being given space to be myself w/o being influenced by the other and it made a difference to me, though my T was too far in the distancing direction which was harmful to me at times.
Not always, but it does seem to me that talking and revealing less can indicate a more solid sense of self or secure person as opposed to people talking/showing behaviors to be liked, to be needed, to manipulate, to influence, controlling, intrusive, etc.
I'm thinking of enmeshment, which doesn't seem to be uncommon among Ts. Likely those who didn't have depth therapy. Being separate from another, but connected (as opposed to enmeshed) can make a big difference in a relationship.
This web page found above seems like it relates to the preferences shown here. Probably nobody is black and white, but I think I'm a fair mix between the 2--I'm not a perfectionist but I do have needs for autonomy. Overall, I am more focused on the relationships/the other.
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I'm not sure I fully understand what you wrote but I am very relationship focused in therapy. I've been totally alone (emotionally, not necessarily physically) all my life and I don't want to be alone in therapy. My T (who is an analyst indeed) understands it and I really need him to be very engaged in sessions, or else I will feel completely alone and shut-down.
So he has to (and he does) balance a very fine line: 1) trying to expand the space where I could be me and express myself, i.e. being alone with the other and 2) following me very closely moment by moment to understand where am I - do I tolerate being in that space and filling it myself or am I unable to do it in which case he has to do it himself.
By him filling the space I mean that he really talks quite a lot. But he talks about me and not himself (i.e. no self-disclosure in that sense). He asks questions from me to which I might or might not answer or he tells me how he senses me or what he has noticed about me or he wonders something about me. Typically after some time I'm able to say something, even if it is arguing about something he said or questioning or clarifying something he said.
I guess I was trying to say that I am definitely not mature enough to tolerate the classic analysis as Freud described it but according to my understanding most contemporary analysts don't even expect to practice this way but rather try to meet the person where they are and work from there.