I would have to pretend in order to be something other than an Avie, and that's something that I can't maintain, because my AvPD would make sure of that.

Every thought, every action has been influenced in some shape or another by AvPD.
You might not recognise your AvPD until you are thinking about going against it, otherwise your actions (maybe unaware to you) are done in order to keep your AvPD at a manageable level.

I don't think I have explained myself very well, sorry can't get the words out...my brain has stopped working.

Welcome.