It is two weeks until I take a higher certification exam. As it gets closer, the stress is causing me to want to sleep more as I am depressed. I am concerned about knowing the material as I feel like I am reading the same notes over and over again and not remember any of them, which is making the stress worse. I am way behind and add to it the concern that my blood pressure medication has been adjusted, increased, as a result since my numbers have gone up as have my AD's to help cope with the depression to somewhat function.

Realistically I know failure isn't fatal if I don't pass; I will still have my job; and life will be the same. I guess that is my worry, that I am barely making ends meet and my housing situation is precarious. The raise that would come from it would be peace of mind to not struggle so.

What bothers me more is that this is my Dad's wish to see me do this before he goes. He is on hospice. I know I need to do this for myself and am because I do really want this for myself to know I can for the accomplishment but also for him too. He has been such a support through everything. It surprised me on one hand when he asked for this but seems like a simple thing to do on one hand and monumental on the other. I know he wants peace of mind for me too, bless him.

The mixed emotions are killing my motivation and have to find a way to de-stress, to know this will be ok. It will be ok no matter how this comes out ?!