think ive been denying feelings and emotions... denying being bothered or upset.. struggling... just denying all of that so i can push through and make something good happen..

but its not intentional... i dont want to feel depressed all the time either, so its like.. if this stops... am i going to be suicidal again?
i dont even know who i am right now... i know my name, kinda my face, but im just not myself.
making all this stuff happen... and feeling so strange, strange feelings...