Complacency is indeed the result of conditioning and programming. It's also part of the battered-woman syndrome. You don't want to upset status quo because the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. Complacency becomes apathy, apathy becomes death.

Complacency is battled solely with movement. In other words, you have to be the change you want to see, and once you step outside that comfort zone by giving ol' boy das boöt, you're going to find that there are people out there worthy of your time who don't give a flying crap about your past. That should be your bellweather for the next relationship: Do they judge you for your past? If so, move along. If not, then you're in the right place.