Quote:
Originally Posted by NativeSky
He wasn't always like this. This is my first experience in therapy. In the beginning, he always seemed to be so eager and happy to see me. I could see it in his face. It felt so good. I felt so understood. Once, as I was telling him about a painful experience, he even cried. That touched me in a way I can't explain.
I don't know if maybe I delved into the trauma too quickly, but after about 6 months I was completely overwhelmed. So I went into session one day, told him that I needed to stop therapy and that I would call him when I was ready to start again.
I re-group, call him a few months later and come back to find him distant and somewhat cold. When I took the risk to tell him I had missed him, which made me feel so incredibly vulnerable, he looked away and all he replied with was "That's interesting." I was so hurt. I never said it again.
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Honestly, your T's behavior seems a little bit like someone who's been hurt or had someone break up with them, and then runs across the person later on. You've said that he seemed to openly care for you before, and I'm wondering if that attachment was indeed quite strong on his side and that's why he didn't take it well when you took a break? I am by
no means suggesting you did anything wrong in taking a break. It's certainly not your responsibility as a client to worry about hurting your T's feelings if you take time off. I just wonder if he's gone into some sort of self-protective mode. When you said you'd missed him and he looked away, my intuition would say he didn't want his own feelings to be pulled forward, he didn't want to admit he had missed you too. And it feels like he might be punishing you for leaving, by making you leave right on the dot, even if he started late.
If it were me I think I might ask questions about how he felt about the break. If he's forthcoming and honest about his feelings maybe there's a way to move forward in a warmer fashion. If he stonewalls you then maybe there won't be much room for improving things. I hope that something can change for you in this therapy relationship.