Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
Another question I might ask is “what do you tell your tears?” Do you welcome them or push them away? I know I didnt have a choice with mine in the past. They would just flow and it seemed like I had no control over them. Now I hardly ever cry because I don’t let myself feel as much, this part of me sees tears as a threat, as weakness. Sometimes I really hate how I desensitise myself because it feels cold but if I didn’t do this I would have another breakdown.
Are you ashamed of your tears QM, is that why they come out in the dark, when no one can see? They must be very lonely  |
I definitely push them away. In session I used to stand up and move so the tears would stop then I'd sit back down. Now I stay in my chair as T requested, but they still stop really quickly because I still go numb. It's so automatic.
I understand why you desensitise yourself. I wonder what would make it safe so you wouldn't have to do that.
Yes, at night, I cry longer and don't always feel "nothing". Because yes, no one can see. Last night I read a blog where the author wrote that she learned the tears others saw would be used against her, so she'd curl up in a corner alone to rock and cry, rock and cry. I pretty much do something similar.