I wish for you to be doing well, sky457. I extend tremendous empathy for you to you for such circumstances.

To clarify, you and your ex girlfriend did not speak for four days, yet you are with her right now as you made this thread? For four days, you were not attempting to contact and/or communicate in general with her, but she emailed you and stated that she "would not be passive aggressive?" Subsequently, she proceeded to be passive aggressive according to you. May I ask how she "attacked" you? Did she provoke you, incite your and/or become emotional, then blame you when you were emotional?

Is "on a bad note" in reference to the end of the phone call (or the relationship or?) Would you be so kind as to explain how she "shot that down?"

Her childhood is indeed tragic and justified in receiving empathy and support for such a childhood. With that said, what did she do to that hurt you?

Did she indicate that it was "all your fault," whether it was via words, actions, both or?

After reading your entire post, it seems as if you might be a victim of emotional and physical abuse as she is the abuser and manipulator. Please take a moment to consider that.

I say the aforesaid claim because if some of your descriptions about your interaction are accurate, she is attempting to control you via emotional and physical abuse. Some examples are shifting the blame, passive aggression, denial, personal verbal attacks, and maybe other tactics.

Additionally, her action of returning to you after the relationship ending and her ensuing behavior might be an act of hoovering. Just to explain for the sake of clarity, "hoovering" is when someone attempts to draw someone else back in to contact, relationship and so forth through a false appearance of seemingly wanting to reconnect, but the person is trying to continue a relationship of control via manipulation and abuse.

If she is hoovering, hoovering is directly interlinked to narcissism (and, maybe, other behavior.) I am not claiming that your girlfriend is a "narcissist" or has "narcissistic traits." With that said, from what you write, there seems to be evidence at the very least for possible narcissistic traits. It's even possible that her behavior is indeed of "narcissism," but that remains to be disclosed.