I am sorry you are struggling. I know it will get better.

I think based on what you were posting, you’d benefit from life coach and vocational counselor. Some type of professional who could line up your options and steps in gaining independence and leading enjoyable or at least manageable life.

You might need to reconsider your career if it’s not generating income or you don’t seem to ever find or sustain full time position. As much as you might like what you do, if that doesn’t pay your bills, puts you into position of living with parents for years and overall just doesn’t do what job suppose to do, it might not be right for you. Someone needs to help you find ways to become independent. Something needs to happen so your life changes for the better.

I am not saying you need help because you can’t do it, but if it’s been like this for years then it’s ok to seek help.

If your depression and anxiety are at a level that require medication but it doesn’t seem working, then perhaps do medication review/change/increase/decrease.

You may consider different types of therapy if what you have isn’t moving you right direction.

Find some great motivator. Something you really really want and willing to fight for it. Make that your motivation. And then get professional help to get there one step at a time.