I’m so tired. Of everything. I enjoyed two baseline, anxiety free days thanks to Ativan. I took off work today to take my son to the doctor and I guess it was good I did because I seem to have crashed from the hypo/mixed/whatever tf is was state back into depression. I just wanted to sleep and I would have if I had taken my son to school but the weather was so bad I decided to keep him home after the appointment.

I was supposed to go hang out with a friend tonight but a)can’t get a hold of him and b) as mentioned, the weather is ****** as hell (huge nor’easter) so I’m not going. Just as well. It would have been nice to get out of my head but whatever.

I’m sooo tired of dealing with my son’s hyperactivity. I honestly don’t know what to do. He’s got soooo much energy and he’s so loud and so boisterous and he destroys everything in his wake. I’m so tired of trying to handle him and handling my own mental health issues. I may cry at his therapy appointment tomorrow. Yes, I found him a therapist. Tomorrow is the initial appointment where I go by myself to discuss my concerns. I am concerned about his trauma but also about all the ADHD symptoms he presents. Though apparently he does just fine in school, so then once again it falls on me. I’m a bad parent at home. Maybe I just want him to be someone he’s not - someone calm and quiet. Because I get overwhelmed so easily. I’m just so overwhelmed with everything right now, between my job, my mood swings, my own trauma issues, his issues...I don’t know where to even begin to untangle this mess.

I really just want to drink until I pass out tonight but that’s not an option so I’m going to take my meds and hopefully fall asleep very soon.