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tautologic said:
But when we got there together today, he said he wanted to take the depression out of the equation. That it was a non subject as far as our "couples therapy" was concerned.

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It sounds like to me that the therapist wants the two of you to talk to each other where you are now, rather than talking about what "caused" where you are now. The depression is a dead "thing" an abstract dead thing at that. I think he wants your husband and you to deal with what is happening now; your husband is determined to avoid his behaviors now and it sounds like you are trying to pin down what caused the problems in the marriage instead of just working to solve them?

Knowing the problems were 87% caused by your husband's depression which he'd had since a teenager relieves you a little maybe but doesn't do anything about the situation anymore than your husband's claims that marrying you is 87% of the reason he is/was depressed. Take the depression out and what have you got? Two people not trying to pass the buck either to the depression or to the other person. Instead, all that's left is the 13% each person has that is "them". Make that bigger and it will make the two 87%'s smaller. Probably not possible in a couple on their own but with a "referee" in the guise of the therapist, could happen. If it doesn't work, what will have been lost?