There are just so few people in my life right now that 'get it', even some of the people that I've run into in the mental health field are so... invalidating.

I keep telling people I've tried and tried to hold down a job and I just can't handle it right now, and I'm so broke all the time which I try not to complain about, but then all these people keep telling me I just need to 'get over it' and go get a job, and the last time I had a job I spent every day planning suicide when I got off and I would drink before I went in I couldn't handle it, and I just keep saying I need a workforce break until I get my meds all sorted and get through some more therapy and everyone's like 'you may not have a choice' because disability takes months to actually get on, and it's making me think hey maybe I don't have a choice maybe I didn't try hard enough maybe I'm just making excuses maybe I can work I'm just exaggerating the problem, and I know I'm not. I know I can't handle it, but everyone is just wearing me down. Life is wearing me down.

I'm just going through so much right now and to handle all of life's problems on top of these illnesses is just so much I just want a little understanding from people, that's all. I don't need pity or for anyone to fix me or my problems, I just want a little compassion and it feels like no one around me can muster that up.