Your first post - welcome.

Yes, I’ve had similar feelings. My theory about anxiety/panic attacks is that they are a kind of existential crisis caused by the fear of nothingness, of death. I think that the horror that you feel in re being alive and your probability of being alive for a long while might actually be the universal fear of death; the very opposite of what you’re able to express.

“Total separation from reality.” Yes, absolutely. That’s death, isn’t it? The final separation from reality? I’m afraid that I’m quite the Freud revisionist, sorry. I believe that you’re experiencing a kind of living death as a kind of revolution against that final exit that we all fear.

***My words echo thus, in your mind - TSE***