Hi anna2468, welcome. Yes, I can relate to this quite a bit, you described it very well. Today I said to myself while looking back on the awfulness of it all, maybe I went mad or maybe I am mad. I definitely don't live in the same world as a lot of people, too, that's for real. Yes, it's a version of a hell.

Hang in there and keep trying to find your way out like me. Don't lose the hope.