tautologic,

First let me say sorry things are not going very good for you right now. I don't have answers I wish I did. I can only speak from my own experience. It is normal that you would want to deal with your husband's deppresion together and the sooner the better and I don't
blame you. Your therapist might not want to come across as you and him against your husband. Your husband not wanting to be their anyway would only be more angry. Thearpist's are able to deal with a problem in a round about way and you don't realize it. That may be what he was trying to do. I would ask him in your private session if he does not address it. I would not give up on the therapist just yet, give it a chance to help, if not for you and your husband then let it help you. I would tell your husband if he does not want help for himself or your marriage that you can not make him get it but that you have made a deceision that you are going to get help for yourself and your children, try not to seam confrontive men hate it and if he is depressed he will react with anger because that is what dpression is anger turned inward. As far as your kids go you owe it to them I don't know how old they are but that really doesn't matter if you don't do something, your kids may one day look at you and say, were we not imporant enough for you to do something, or why didn't you do something to stop dad from hurting us physically and verbally. I am sure that you love your children, but that is not how it comes across to them and they will be where you are now years from now. Hope this helps alittle. Take care of yourself and your kids.