To me, hurt feelings implies a misstep or moment of friction with another person. That does happen with my T, and I think it's good to talk through those things and learn from them and have the experience of resolving an issue in a satisfactory way. But most of my pain and intense distress in therapy comes from the reactivation of painful things from my past, including falling into old habits and relational patterns with my T. That usually has nothing to do with my T or anything she has said or done, so it seems different to me than hurt feelings. But separating out what's "real" and what's my "stuff" is incredibly complicated, and that is definitely a major part of my work in therapy.

I also tend to do the thing that RaineD describes where my T says something and I feel like she said the exact opposite (sometimes going as far as misinterpreting her actual words, always in a negative way). I can't help but wonder how often I have done that automatically with other people in my life and needlessly distanced myself as a result. Probably a lot. If my T is always on my side and I can convince myself that even she doesn't like me, then I don't think a real, complicated person would have a chance. So there are a lot of layers, and many of them are quite unpleasant. I think I'm in the thick of one of these situations right now, actually, so it has been useful to think this through.