I get this as I too have been in therapy much longer than anticipated(nearly 4 years) but didn't really know what to anticipate after the horrendous failure of the prescribed CAT therapy
Anyway I get this push pull feeling-due to illness of therapist I had a break of 5 weeks over xmas and new year-managed one appointment in January then he became sick again followed by my getting flu and a chest infection and finally uk being choked with snow so no way of meeting-so one session in 10 weeks now and the trauma of the break with no outlet or non judgemental listener is now battling the have I secured myself a bit further away from him and is that a less painful place to be?
We are due to meet in 6 days and I'm almost afraid to go as I know my feelings of relief/coming home /attachment etc will flood back the minute I set foot in the office -part of me feels like terminating part of me is angry with him that I feel this way part of me is counting the days
All in all an unrelenting nightmare