Therapy put me into a weird experimental state regarding relationships. I felt all these mandates, express yourself, stand up for yourself, state your needs, be more spontaneous, get in touch with my emotions, be more assertive, march boldly into conflicts. My therapists were convinced these would earn me "rapprochement."

In trying to effectuate these instructions, I was trying to conduct relationships by cookbook. I so alarmed my parents, they carried their fury the rest of their lives. My friends from that period still avoid me outside of Christmas card season. **Your mileage may vary. I hope my outcome is worse than most.**

I think I became more assertive and spontaneous over the years, but through my own sense of competence I earned by doing. I still find handling difficult conflicts a risk, particularly if the consequences are high. I still can miscalculate.

I think the actions in my first paragraph best tinkered with over time and with discernment. I understand, at least for me, change arrives gradually, naturally, and not because my therapist told me to.