It has been 2 weeks since I posted my in session notes. A work project has kept me very busy. Also, my sessions have been so random, almost incoherent. Thursday 2-22, I basically threw a tantrum (my type of tantrum), sitting on the floor wedged between the couch and the cabinet that holds her printer, barely fitting. I had the picture of the filing cabinet [supportive/bound object from clinic before T moved to private practice] and told her I was mad at her about it and about lots of other things. I told her I didn't want her to look at me. I have been struggling a lot with not feeling like I (Elio). I'm just me - whoever me is. I've had to remind myself that I am Elio even though in my head I'm saying to people not to call me that. It's moved to... ok, I'm supposed to be Elio, I can be Elio... how would Elio handle this, what does Elio like. A funny thing happened when I tried to tell T about not connecting to the name Elio... I said that I am not "birth name". As part of my gender, I legally changed my name about 20 yrs ago. That was weird moment.

I have isolated significantly. So, here is me forcing myself to reengage.