tautologic, there have been some good answers here. I wonder if your husband is still depressed or is that in the past? I can see it would be challenging to work on the marriage if he is still depressed or not working on that. If he is still depressed, is he seeing a therapist to help with that? Taking meds? I am in the process of a divorce. Both me and my husband became depressed and I believe for both of us, it was because of the marriage. Bad life situations can make people depressed. It is entirely possible that an unhappy marriage affected your husband's mood and this in turn made the marriage worse. The two are probably totally entangled. I think it very important that your husband work on his depression if the marriage is to improve. I hope your therapist will encourage him to get help.

I think couples counseling is tricky (I've been there). At some point, if you want things to improve, you do have to work on disfunctional communication patterns, getting along TODAY, etc. That can be hard to do if one is playing the blame game (you had an affair, you were depressed all the time, you made me depressed, etc.) or the "if game" (if I hadn't married you, I would never have gotten depressed). Well, the fact is what's done is done, he did marry you, he has been depressed for whatever reason, one of you did have an affair, etc. Sometimes you just have to put that stuff on hold while you work on concrete things like communication, fidelity, etc. I think if a person is willing to change (improve communication, stop sleeping around outside the marriage, etc.), that is a good step in the right direction and bodes well. It's not possible to change what we did in the past, but we can try to change what we do today. It sounds like your T wants to work on today. But I do think it essential your H have his depression under control in order for there to be success. I think it will be helpful if you can talk all this out with your T in your individual sessions. Maybe he has some words of reassurance about the path he wants to take and how it interfaces with your own potential for healing.

tautologic, you can also ask your T face to face about his background and experience. Most T's are happy to give it.

Best of luck.