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What you're doing is actually pretty common. I know I've done it in the past. It lets me check out from reality for a while, and then I usually feel sick afterward, so I'll have a couple of days where feeling sick distracts me from the emotional pain.
Try not to stress about the upcoming anniversary, although I get how that can be triggering. Just think about it as one more day that you're not going to SI.
splitimage
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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.
"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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