After the last Saturday where the day at the mansion became too much for me, I am keenly aware of my limits again. I had been doing so well, with working from home, and enjoying the visit with my family, that I had seemed to forget that I have such terrible anxiety and depression.

Today I really want to go ride my bike for a couple of hours before I have to go work this concert for my client, but I'm terribly concerned that going straight from the bike to the concert (yes, I'll clean up in between) will spark too much anxiety, and I won't have my service dog with me because he's healing from an injury.

The other thing is that I'm flying out to visit my biggest client on Tuesday and will be there for four days, meeting with her staff, and also talking to her organization partners because they want to hire me too. The itinerary isn't too bad yet, but I'm definitely going to need my downtime at the hotel each evening. Again, no service dog on this trip due to his healing injury.

I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it all. I need to start making a coping plan in writing and putting it in a note on my phone so I know what to do when I start to shut down or freak out.

I just have so much anxiety and so many PTSD triggers, I'm so worried that I'll just meltdown on my trip.

At this point I'm having anxiety about having anxiety...which goes back to when my agoraphobia was full-blown.

I know I need to work on this, and I'm trying to, but this just seems like a lot for me to do right at this moment in time...I wish I had time to work up to this trip.

Seesaw