Sunrise,
Yes I've done the list too. It is obviously bleak. My three main reasons for staying however, are deeply emeshed in me.
1. My vows. For better or worse. I have an obligation to God, myself and him.
2. My children. To leave would disrupt their whole world. I wouldn't be able to maintain the same quality of life.
3. On a very huge level, he is a part of me. Dissolving our marriage would be like cutting off my leg.

My husband wants to stay so long as he isn't thinking I want to leave. What I mean is, he has serious issues with rejection and control. So if he thinks I am on the verge of walking out, he will do it first so that I wont make him look foolish or "hurt" him. (vulnerability again damn) If I take the initiative at "working on things" he will too. But he will never initiate or take responsibility. Because that would mean he is conceeding to my wishes. Which of course is emasculating to him. ( I know, makes no sense but it is how he thinks)

I believe my hubs individual T may be taking an unusual approach to my husbands therapy. That is, if my husband is telling the truth. Which our couples therapist has said "it is probably what hub is hearing but not what is actually being said" in his individual therapy.

And your last sentence is the problem. I need for my hub to validate me and the situation. Because every time we get to the nitty gritty, he blames me for the depression and stops working on things. He cannot accept he has a diagnosis and therefore must place the blame on me to feel comfortable with it. Im sick of it.

He had D way before I met him. He brought it into our marriage and it has caused problems. Until he can accept that, we have no future peace.