Hi sevisol. Good on you for trying to do positive things to help yourself, you deserve a medal. I don't know about sabotage or anything like that, it's just the mind, you're trying I can tell. Try to find calming things to do and try not to panic, it'll be okay. Yes, you probably need support of some sort. Keep reaching out here too, if you think it may help. Stay strong within yourself sevisol.