I know you read my email on saturday. I guess you're waiting until monday morning to reply- to show me that you do still care, yet can't make me the center of your life. The 7 year old cried for you today. She wants you and nothing but you. Does that make you feel better knowing how much she adores you?

I'm not going to back down. I'm going to fight you and be hostile and rude. I want to hate you and will probably tell you that I really do on tuesday so you can see how nasty and bad I am. I'm scared you're not going to turn up because of all the other things I told you. Talking about sex makes me feel so dirty.

I'm tired of being here. I just want to go home, even if it would be for 3 days, but my mother doesn't want me there. I feel rejected and don't think you want me either. I have new exams to stress about in approximately two months,but I've been feeling burnt out since november and internal classes make me feel so stupid and like I don't know anything.

I'm so tired. I don't feel well.I'm in bed crying on and off and not studying and trying to desperately distract myself by watching episodes of Fat doctor. Birdy's song "ghost in the wind" song made me cry.

"Why does everything I love always get taken away?"

I might email you again just to irritate you and to get under your skin.