I have definitely crashed and it is a hard crash. There was no slow descent from mania to depression. I almost feel like I did years ago when I was unmedicated. I feel like my meds are doing absolutely jack ****. I don’t know what to do. The mixed episode was uncomfortable as hell but I guess the meds worked a little because I didn’t get the intense SI/SH thoughts. But now the SH thoughts at least are coming fast and furious. But no SI thoughts, at least there’s that.

I’m struggling to find the motivation to shower, which NEEDS to happen today for various reasons. I just want to lay here and cry. The house is a mess, there’s a **** ton of laundry.

Ok goals: shower. Go grocery shopping. Finish laundry. Make dinner. Not necessarily in that order. I think I can handle that. Just forget cleaning, it’s not necessary right now. If I can do it great but if not oh well.

Siiiigh...