Hello DanSmith: I'm sorry you find yourself to be in this most difficult circumstance. My suspicion here, if I may go out on a limb so to speak, is that there has perhaps been some emptiness within you that pre-dates your having become aware of this guy you've fallen in love with. But the feelings you have developed for this guy have, perhaps, deepened & magnified that longstanding emptiness.

The first simple answer to this situation is that time heals. With time, your feelings of unrequited love for this guy will fade. They may not disappear entirely. But they will lessen. The other simple answer to this is therapy. Spending some time working with a skilled mental health therapist may help you both to come to grips with your current feelings as well as to learn what it is that caused you to become so enamored to begin with. And especially if you are feeling suicidal, it's really important to reach out, in real life, for help. I've made two serious attempts on my life in the past. And so I can tell you, from personal experience, that suicidal thoughts are nothing to mess around with.

One other thing I will share with you is that I had a similar, if less intense, experience a few years ago. It would take too much time to go into all of the details. But, basically, there was a YouTuber I became aware of whom I very much wanted to get to know. It wasn't a romantic kind of circumstance. But, for me, there was a significant emotional attachment. Sadly, she wanted nothing to do with me. In fact, as time went on, I became concerned that she might be viewing me as some sort of internet predator. So, after a while, I simply stopped following her on the internet at all. It's been a few years now since all of this occurred. But I still harbor fond memories of her & hope she is doing well.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Here are links to 2 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-pr...on-withdrawal/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/thera...-of-the-heart/

Also... this topic has been the subject of previous threads, here on PC. Here's a link to one. You may find the discussion that occurred to be helpful:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...-reaction.html

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to continue posting. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!