I'm sorry you had this disturbing experience. When I read your post I presumed you were referring to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. However perhaps that was not the case? If not, I would also recommend the Hotline number Wild Coyote gave you. Otherwise, here are links to PsychCentral's lists of various hotline numbers:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-...phone-numbers/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/telepho...nd-help-lines/

Another suggestion is simply to write, here on PC, about what's going on with you. I know it's not the immediate help you would hope to get from a hotline. But sometimes just the act of writing about what's going on can, in-&-of itself, provide some relief. And then, of course, there's the possibility of just going to the ER at your local hospital if you feel you are in immanent danger. I know these aren't great answers to your present situation. I wish I had something more creative to suggest.

Here's a link to a listing of suicide prevention resources in California in case any of this is helpful:

https://www.bing.com/maps?&ty=17&q=s...ia&FORM=SNAPST

I wish you well. Please take care.