Feeling more relaxed now after several hours of battling intense intrusive thoughts, painful thoughts, that are generated by the toxic shame I carry. Finally had to lie on my bed in the dark for an hour and that fixed it [for now], thank goodness. Hasn't been this bad for a while but it's more or less gone now. Triggered, this time, by an ordinary conversation with my doctor, can you believe that? I don't know why it happens.