Update for anyone who'd care to read:
I've found motivation in my learning and inspiration to share that learning with others, like a preacher but only to those who have the capacity to actually listen, not just hear.
The work I'm doing is still a bit soul destroying but what job isn't and it's a neccassary role to play until money crashes under debt.

To be honest, since I've named what this is it has become much easier to battle it, I've sort of personified the feeling into a mental demon; which is then possible to beat.

And as the feeling lowers I feel myself returning back to normality, my confidence is slightly higher I predict it too go higher. It does still haunt me though and I fear it'll never fully leave but oh well as long as I can beat it when it does turn up [emoji23] accompanying this is a feeling of what I can only describe as 'great importance' but not for myself, for the human race.