(((tautologic)))

You have every right to be angry, resentful, and tried of being the responsible one who is holding everything together. Dealing with this situation can pull even the most resilient person down into a deep whole that it so tough to dig out of. I've been there, dip down there occasionally. Although my situation has gotten somewhat better over the past few months, I am still walking on eggshells and waiting to be pulled down yet again. The affect this has had on my 10 yr old is still really painful to see as a mother.

My first attempt at therapy was to get help for my son. After a few visits to T for me, my son, and my husband. It was decided that I was likely the key to changing the system at this time. If I helped myself, I could facilitate changes within the family to improve things.

So far I feel therapy has done the following for my family:

My husband became very upset during his individual session and if nothing else it helped him realize I was serious about the need for change.

I'm not sure exactly what happened during my son's individual sessions, but he seems more willing to talk to me, tell me how he is feeling, and ask me for help.

As for me, I've come face to face with how damaging my husband's depression and abuse was on me personally. For some reason I had no idea how profoundly I had been affected over the years. It was only when I lost it myself, disconnected, and left my kids in direct harms way did I finally see the problem.

Honestly, Tautologic based on what you've written here I think the fact that you are expressing your anger and intolerance for the status quo as a good thing. My approach was to ignore, tolerate, and and constantly have multiple workaround options. In the end this just enabled the situation to get worse and worse.

You said you read the Sheffield book. Check out this link from her website.
Casting the "it" as Villain

I just also wanted to add that I listed similar reasons for staying married when my T asked me that question. Although we have never talked directly about religion, I sensed that Christian values influence her perspective on things. Having said this, she quite easily countered each of my reasons to say.

At this point, until I straighten out some of my own issues, I'm staying. But this may not alway be the case.