I feel a similar sort of push/pull when it comes to friends. I often prefer to be by myself. I don't look forward to social events. At the same time, I worry that my friends don't like me or that I don't like them or that I don't have enough friends - but when I plan my days/weeks, I don't want to make plans with other people! Is it because I'm anxious or because I'd just rather do my own thing? I don't know.

I also look at people who still have their high school friends or college friends and wonder what that's like.