Jay - You're "friends" can't tell by looking at you if you are gay. No one can do that. I know some amazingly macho looking gay men, and some slightly effeminate straight married men with kids. (One of them could out cook and out decorate Martha Stewart any day). Our sexuality just ain't that simple.

Dr. Kinsey believed that we could pick a number between 0 and 6 to describe our own sexual preference:

0 Completely or exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual with occasional or incidental same sex experience
2 Predominantly heterosexual with more than occasional or incidental same sex experience
3 Equal sexual functioning at both the heterosexual and homosexual levels
4 Predominantly homosexual with more than occasional or incidental opposite sex experience
5 Predominantly homosexual with occasional or incidental opposite sex experience
6 Completely or exclusively homosexual

Perhaps you can think of sexuality less as something that is black or white, straight or gay, and more as a shades of gray thing?

I know that I'm not answering you question - but I simply can't. Only you can.

Now, I'll assume since your ex-girlfriend thought you are gay, perhaps that means she was ready to go further than you were sexually. Perhaps you simply are not comfortable with sex outside of marriage? Or simply not ready to have sex yet? Or perhaps you'd like to be in love with the girl you have sex with? This surely doesn't make you gay!

If you do have thoughts of being with other guys, but fear the negative sterotypes that go along with being gay....that makes perfect sense. In our society, it ain't easy being different. But it sounds like you already know some gay men, and they could offer you some friendship and support. Being gay isn't all about sex ya know. Having supportive friendships is the best part of coming out.

Relax, there is no hurry. Keep posting. However things turn out, you'll have friends here.

Emmy