I am very sorry for what you've gone through.
Your history would have to have an effect upon you.

That was a lot to share. You are courageous to share. I admire that in you.

Regarding your diagnosis, none of us can diagnose you, please see a qualified mental health professional for the proper diagnosis and for treatment.

You seem very interested in understanding what's going on with yourself. Why not see a psychiatrist and/or a therapists for an evaluation and for possible treatment?

Take good care of yourself.

WC