to me this sounds like one of those things where you think and think and think.... then you say the situation out loud and it all becomes clear. because, to me at least, the answer is clear. you said yourself you are 2 completely different people. and you obviously know that you have psychological issues that need to be dealt with whether it be by therapy or otherwise... but until you deal with the issues at hand, i see it hard for you to have a stable relationship.

and i really have a thing about people "thinking" that they love someone. if you think about it logically... love isn't really a feeling. if you feel it, chances are its lust. love is an action. and the way you said you acted towards him, is not love in any sense. love is being there for someone, helping them grow as a person etc... and if all you do is play games, thats the opposite. love is a decision you make, not a feeling.

its natural to not forget about someone, especially when you were with them for that long. but just because you miss him or think about him does not mean you love him. it means he was your security blanket after you didn't have your dad around anymore. most people give up those blankets after so long but for some reason or another, some people just hold on to them.

i feel like i went through the same thing as you, only not so drawn out or dramatic. mine was more just blah i guess. but i would jump from guy to guy, never being single longer than a couple weeks after the age of probably 15. i never had a chance to be by myself and explor myself. so i made it a point to stay single for a few months. dated around, but never anything serious. i discovered a lot about myself that has helped me in my current relationship. i know its hard to do these things cold turkey, but it sounds to me like you need to discover your own independence and not rely on people to lift you back up when youre down. in your life, the only person you can truly rely on is yourself. people are always going to let you down. and if you don't realize that, youll never be happy in a relationship.

sounds like your dad was wonderful growing up but now its inhibiting your ability to grow up yourself. sounds like you have very high expectations of people and the littlest thing brings them down off that pedastle. i felt the same way as you and its been over 2 years and im not even all the way better. i still fall into those insecurities like you said. so don't expect an overnight fix; its going to take some time.

and if you ever need to talk, you can PM me. hope this helped.