Quote:
Originally Posted by satsuma
Hi Quiet Mind
I'm sorry that your T is not so open. I think I would find that hard too.
When I was starting therapy, I told T that there was a gap of a few months between me deciding to go to therapy and me selecting a therapist, and then several more months after that until I made my first appointment. I told T how I had researched everything I possibly could about him online, ahead of the first appointment. (Like e.g. what his qualifications exactly mean, where did he get them, how well is that university rated for psychology and how does their course differ from others, how does his practice compare to other private practices in the same area. And other slightly obsessive stuff like that.)
T said that it is quite normal for people to look up things about their T before choosing to start therapy. But he also said "I think you have difficulty trusting people".
Spot on! I knew right away that he would have a good understanding of me. Maybe that is why he has always been so open about the therapy methods and aims. I do find it really helpful.
Do you think you could try asking your T directly to talk about those things? I wonder what she would say. Or maybe you have already tried.
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I've asked repeatedly in writing while explaining why many times (her boundaries is she'll never reply but she'll read), as well in person a few times. I'm a lot less articulate in session. She thinks it's me being mistrustful (correct) but I don't feel she's tried to "really" explain... It's more like she takes it as an opportunity to point out my mistrust schema rather than explain. Or I find her rare explanations too simplistic. Eg, she doesn't spell out the neuroscience like yours does, but gives a "simple" reply that imagery works on emotions. While I'm not highly educated (not even a bachelor's), I'm definitely capable of understanding the explanation your T gives! She also knows I like to know the WHYS of things. She also knows (I hope, because I've told her many times!) that I WILL dig into the research, and that I won't take "because I the therapist says it's good for you" as an answer. And she has never satisfactorily addressed my point of "I used to fantasize to self soothe as a child. Imagery triggers loneliness and pain because it's just nice pretend imagination things and not real" which actually fuels my deep and extensive dive into the evidence base for imagery rescripting.
It isn't just with imagery but other things as well... :/ She's NOT emotionally inhibited with her friends and colleagues, but I don't feel she's "open" with me? She HAS said she's being more open with me than some other clients, but I still find the lack of psychoeducation as manifestation of her not being open.