I went to an estate planner yesterday to figure out how to structure my divorce settlement so it can go to my kids. My fiancé was there to do the same and to create a pool of money for the both of us. His old banking friends and the lawyer were looking at me, at their picture of me, and trying not to ask pointed questions about their friend wanting to have me in his life. I would like to learn how to step in front of the picture people have of me and say hello. I always sit there wondering if I am as awful and scary as they decide I am. I would really like to add a bit of the scary persona to my personality, like making friends with my shadow. I really swung the other way in life, of trying to be honest, kind, trustworthy, etc. How do I be okay with being human. I thirst for life, love and hugs. I am going towards my third marriage and was recently driving go-carts on the streets of Tokyo. Maybe I should make up my own definition of kind, trust worthy and honest because the one I thought the world wants doesn't let me have power or breathe or exist.